Christmas is almost here!

Greetings.  How are all of my Carollers?  Here's a question that I revisit every year at this time.  What does Christmas mean to you?  Last year I decided it's about more than presents.  More than bright twinkly lights on your house.  And it meant a lot more than having a tree die slowly in your living room covered in shiny tinsel.  To me, it meant surrounding yourself with the love of others;  Friends, family, well-wishers.  This year I have no clue.  Maybe let's jump inside of our mental time machines, and rewind the clock, 1 year ago......



2008, December.

Who:  Your Host: Les

Where: Saskatoon, Saskatchewan.  Currently residing in the house I grew up in.  In the very room I had helped my father makeover in hopes of selling the house earlier in the year.  My parents didn't sell the house, but that didn't stop them from relocating across the country to be closer to my brother and his family.  (The War Hero One.... Or W.H. Bro but more on him later.)  But rather they decided to rent the house out to a friend of the family.  And because I was seeing a new girl, lets call her, SML (because she grew larger).... More on her later. I put off moving east to pursue a relationship, and ended up renting a room in my parents' house amidst the house renters. 

Talk about awkward.  It was like being in a haunted house.  With nothing but memories to echo in the deepest of my mind, I walked around feeling like a stranger in my own house.  To sit there and watch as these so called friends of my family treat this house as though it was their very own. How dare they!  Leaving garbage at the back door and letting it pile up.  Neglecting to shovel the snow.  Letting the garage being their playhouse, messing it up, and getting spray paint everywhere.  Maybe a trip to see my family was something I needed.

I was working in this factory at the time where we made Baler Twine.  That job kept me pretty tied up for most of the week.  In my down time I enjoyed hiding in my rented room, and watching clips of my cancelled favorite shows on Youtube.  (Lucky Louie, Drew Carey Show, And anything with Jim Norton in it.)  Occasionally SML, would call me up and we'd go out. 

To be honest I look forward to the holidays for the simple reason I dont have to buy many gifts.  Because I'm such a broke ass, I like to make up different excuses each year for not buying expensive gifts.  Last year I was saving up to buy furniture for when I move out with my girlfriend.  The year before I had bills to pay and more friends to buy for.  This year.... who knows. I'll think of something.

Now I have never had a girlfriend during the holidays.  Well..... nothing serious.  If anything a fancy dinner out or, some jewelry would be sufficient.  Maybe a carriage ride around the South Saskatchewan River.  Now if you're thinking, "He sounds like a catch!".  You might be right.  But I'm not overtly big on the whole 'being exclusive' with just one girl.  So do the math. 

All I asked for for christmas was, 2 plane tickets so my parents could meet my new girlfriend.  I told SML about it, and she declined.  So I took my younger brother, Brandon instead.  No skin off my sack.  At least when I got to Ottawa, I felt relaxed.  I didn't have to tiptoe around the house when I woke up and wanted something to munch on.  And I didn't have to run outside in my boxers with Dress coat for a fucking dart!  I got to see my parents, my dog (who had forgotten about me that little shit), and my War-hero brother and his family.  To me, Christmas meant being around family.  Enduring their flaws with a smile on their face.  Why?  Because this is the only time of the year you will have to see them.  Niceities is all they really were. 

Don't get me wrong, its nice that we get to forget all the bullshit we put each other through in the past and start a whole new page.  Telling dirty jokes.  Enjoying wine.  Laughing.  Making lists of work that needs to be done around my parents new house and acreage.  It's all in the future, and the future is unknown, mysterious, and curious.  Reminds me of a glory hole.  You dont know who's on the other side.  Chances are though, its a dude with a talented mouth.  Talk about 'ignorance being blissful'. 

This brings me to my Traditions.  I like Christmas because I get to watch all the old movies that never change. And listen to my oldie Favs on the Radio.  Dolly Parton's Hard Candy Christmas.  Nat King Cole.  Sinatra.  Crosby.  Elvis.  I enjoy making snowmen.  I love to shovel.  Put up Christmas lights.  I'd go to Christmas concerts if I wasn't the creepy drunk guy crying in the back. 

I can't help but think of when my parents pass on.  What relationship will I have with my older brothers?  Will I see them over the holidays?  What happens when I'm 10 years older, and going out and picking up strangers in a bar isn't funny any more?  This is all heresay, and I really hate thinking about my future, because when I was 20, I never thought I would be here.  A little money in the bank.  Suits in my closet.  A few casual relationships going on.  A number of notches in my bedpost that would make most people vomit inside their mouths a little bit.  Hey, at least I'm responsible enough that I don't have any children.  I know when I'm ready to settle down, I will be ready. This year.... Not ready!

This past year was full of change!  A break up.  A lay off.  Another move.  A make-over.  Now it's one year later.  Christmas is a full week away.  And my head is filled with indecision.  Do I really want to put myself through another emotionally crippling weekend with W.H. Brother?  Do I buy them any gifts?  And if I do, can I give them all shitty gifts?  Like a "Slap-chop"?  Or give one a Portible phone to one person, and give a battery to another one?  And they wouldn't even be compatible with one another.  After all, it's the thought that counts right? 

I can honestly say I'm at a standstill.  If I go to my brother's I know I'll have to endure all the bullshit that goes along with that.  But my other other option is to stay at my parents acreage alone with TV, Movies, and maybe a nice big bottle of Whiskey.  Or maybe I can do beer-erobics!  I suck at those because after 20 reps I feel this unusual, incredible urge to call all my ex-girlfriends.  Just to let them know how good I'm doing.  Then after, the weekend is gone.  I get to stick my dick through the proverbial glory hole to see if the future has anything better for me. 

"... And Lenniel, that is what Christmas means to me."