Alright, well I couldn't sleep last night. But I got reasons. First off, it was due to the fact that I woke up yesterday prematurely, and went down for a 5 hour nap. Woke up, naturally I was going to have my days and nights mixed up. Poor me. Then because I require such specific conditions to sleep (one of them being that I want my room ice cold, and my blankets to be many), I opened the window around 3. Wide open. Then after watching all my previously recorded television shows, All of them. I resorted to thinking about blogging in my head. Finally getting some sleep, I awoke two hours later because of my intolerance of lactose. Just thinking about how they get to vote, and special treatment just because of their - nevermind.
In case you were unaware of what I do when I'm working. Mainly working alone... is thinking about blogs. My own to be more specific. I'll prattle off in my own mind about how I feel about certain things, or why I am how I really am just because I want someone to understand me. Mostly it's just a way to organize my hate. And I enjoy writing.
Now, this morning as much as I wanted to write about how society views men, and the unimportant role men have assigned themselves in this flaming ball of shit we call, earth. But I think I need to get something else off my chest this morning.
I really hate to say it, but this past two weeks I have looked back and evaluated my life. I have so many questions. It's 2010. Is this where I saw myself say 10 years ago? Have I really changed and moved toward my goals, and plans? Here's a big one, slightly too profound at this early morning, Why am I not married, or loved eternally? I hate to admit this because I think everyone else is doing the same thing. Some are depressed. Some are in relationships, so they don't have to be alone during the holidays. Maybe some are quitting something, or starting to work out. It's all bullshit and it's bad for ya!
Now I can sit around and wonder these things. I can make lists. I can make myself some goals for the next year, and hope to achieve them, one by one. But I say fuck that shit in its crummy fucking asshole. Because I've already made a list. First one, GET LIFE. Second, GET LAID... a lot. I think 15 year old Les would think I'm pretty fucking awesome. Because, DAR!!! I am.
Now recently in this past year you're Uncle Les was dumped. You can tell I was dumped just by asking, "Hey, what happened to what's her face?". And how I respond to the question, "Can exes ever be freiends?" I don't think so. Why would you want to be friends with someone who broke your heart, and rejected you're entire way of life? I always said, I'd much rather get rejected at a bar 20 times versus, once by someone you let get close enough to scar you.
I made many sacrifices to make that relationship work out. I gave up a suite apartment sweet. Sold all my furniture. Rented a room during the holidays. Worked 12 hours shifts at a baler-twine factory (which kept me pretty tied up). Even changed my facebook status. Loser!
You can consider this my excess baggage. I don't carry on these superficial relationships because deep down I'm hurt, and cold and lonely. No. I keep them to amuse myself. I text lots of people every day, dont think you're special. I like to keep it fresh and simple. I don't need to date someone a million miles away, via text. As soon as it starts to look like a real relationship without the sex, I'm out of there. Save your bullshit drama for your friends.
After all, when a healthy relationship starts, you have your milestones, or your firsts. First date. First kiss. First sleepover. First-time meeting each others friends. First time meeting their parents. First time having sex. First fight. First make-up sex session. After my break up, I went through a lot of "relationships". And I noticed I'm surprisingly traditional. I'm sure when I want to marry a woman, I'll ask her father for permission. That's just me.
But you really have to learn how to pace a healthy relationship, or else you're in danger. If you have sex too fast, you risk it becoming too emotional. Or with most guys, you become a booty-call. I think mutual respect should be the basis of a good relationship (fuck, lets call that something else because I'm tired of typing it. How about we call it, boobie? okay!).
Here's when I know I'm in a boobie and it's time to to make things exclusive... When the girl in question is pissing me off even when she's not there. I know I'm dating her because only people I let into my emotional realm can do that. It shows emotional. I enjoy her company, we have sex, and now I'm feeling. Not a bad thing. After all, how you can you really know someone, if you don't know how they act when they are mad at you? Or if you deny them something? Do they throw a bitch-fit and cry? Or do they try to manipulate you with a guilt trip?
That's why when something starts to get too dramatic, and they haven't made me mad, I get out of there as soon as I can. It's only polite. I don't need someone falling in love with me before I fall in love with them. Or vice-versa. You complete me? Fuck that. I'll complete myself, and you do the same, and instead of being 1 complete person, we can be 2 strong people, madly in love, who fight, and makeup, constantly. That's what I call passion.
Maybe that's why my last boobie, never worked. Or maybe it's because she never heard the phrase, "If you love something let it go...." Nope, she was a faithful follower of, "If he lets you leave, whore it up." I just read that and laughed so hard I farted. Damn you Lactose!!! Don't worry about me and my couch, I'll clean the blood up later.
I'm not sure half the guys out there should even be able to date, much less reproduce at their own drunken will. I've met tons of single mothers, or divorced women, or even in a few cases, married women, who just aren't happy, mainly due to the fact that the guys who are out in the dating world suck. They drank too much. They cheated. They were abusive. Couldn't hold down a job. Any number of things.
I like these guys because I have to do next to nothing to look like gold compared to these fuck-rags. Not that I need to do anything special to stand out but I do work out. I read the paper. I love crosswords. I make new friends. I try new restaurants. I go to live shows. I shop like a motherfucker for new clothes. I'm nothing if not a sucker for a new suit. Maybe some cufflinks. Next to the troglodyte who's wearing jeans, and a t-shirt that he got from a box of beer (Winner), I'm awesome.
I'm not sure any of them realizes they can have their milk for free, from any number of cows. It's called, casual boobies. For me, it started out coming to terms with all of my weaknesses. One by one, I came to terms with them. I didn't quit them because, I don't think I need some billboard telling me how to live my life.
Quit smoking. We're all going to get cancer, why not get a cancer that makes you look cool and relieve stress at the same time? Don't drink and drive. How the fuck am I going to get my car home, asshole? I just barely paid my tab at the bar, and you expect me to pay for two cabs to get home? One to get home, and the other one the next day. Eat healthier? Fuck you! I'll just eat less unhealthy shit, and more bran.
I just want to be a poster boy, for original thinking. I wouldn't call myself a man, because the way men are viewed in this society, makes me want to cut my down dick off. Hopefully I got a hard-on when I do it, so its the right shape so I can use it as a dagger to choke and stab fuckers in the middle of the night.
The key to being single now a days, is prespective. If you're not exclusive with one woman, you can see as many as possible. I say, honesty is key. But if it doesn't come up, you are not required to out yourself to all of your 'dates'. All I ask, is that you be honest, and dont hide behind lies. The key is to not do anything that you will have to explain to someone you care about later on.
I sleep easy knowing, I choose to be single. I choose to not let myself become overwhelmed with new boobies, and over-analyzing every little thing. I know someday I will want a healthy boobie. I will want a wife. Probably have to be a step-father due to the lack of morality in today's youth.
Despite how I come off I wouldn't want to live in any other time. In any other country. I love my life. I have my goals. I don't stress about too much, and I keep everything light. Light conversation. Light humour. My future's so bright I gotta wear shades. You can find peace and happiness, in the misery of others. Because they probably deserve it.
Keep in touch, and Don't forget to miss me!
I, too, blog to organize my hate.
ReplyDeleteI have also noticed over the years that I am more traditional than I thought. I am all about respect, and taking responsibility for ones' actions, and raising kids in a supportive, loving environment. Most importantly, I am no longer as hard on gender roles as I was in the past. You know why? 'Cause I was like a tranny, wearing a cock under my skirt-- I became the man and the woman. That's like working two full time jobs. And I didn't even get laid that much, either.
Enjoyed your comments about exclusivity vs. playing the field. In retrospect, I have much more respect for people who play the field and are honest about it over men who have no idea what they want and drag people through the mud. Same goes for women. Authenticity and sincerity are so much more noble.
Loved this comment: "I wouldn't call myself a man, because the way men are viewed in this society, makes me want to cut my down dick off. Hopefully I got a hard-on when I do it, so its the right shape so I can use it as a dagger to choke and stab fuckers in the middle of the night." HAHAHA!
Really enjoyed the post. I'd like to hear your thoughts on the role of men in today's society. I've been working on something regarding that for awhile.