Alrighty. I know its been a while. This year I've really drug my ass around doing fun "summer" activities. Waterpark, camping, boat-fireworks, kingston, ottawa bluesfest, black eyed peas (dont judge me just sit there and try to guess the flavour of the popsicle you're sitting on), and of course shenanigans.
It's been a while but don't think I haven't been working on something new and exciting. Now in my last blog, I mentioned I was going to start "editing" my newer blogs. Now, that's half true. To fullfill my own promises, as well as feed my egotistical, and narcassistic tendancies, I have decided to answer some advice columns.
Let me tell you how this all got started, and I have a good example I've been working on for a while. For the last, lets say three years, I read the news paper. Not all the boring bullshit. I like doing the puzzles, and reading the occasional book review. Abe Rocks! But I also enjoy reading advice columns and before I read "Abby's" dumbass response, I like to chime in and/or ask those around me (maybe a first date; I know its kinda rude to read the paper, but isn't it fun to see if you have the same twisted sensibility as the person you will be having sex with that night?)
But lately I've veered off of Abby, and whoever else. And I've read some other advice columns. Comospolitan Mag, or Maxim, or possibility some "Self proclaimed PICK UP ARTIST". These jackasses, wrote a book and are now teaching these self-help methods to meeting women. The very first one I read was, "Double your dating: Guaranteed". Which was pretty clever. Let's do the math. If I'm dating nobody. And I try this particular book. I could potentially DOUBLE my dating percentile.
Fuck him and everyone else who claims to have mastered the dating world. I've listened to these professionals with the same skepticism as I read everything else. I take it with a grain of salt. I under the concepts. Only because I've grown into myself. Am I well adjusted? Probably not.
Just the same, I don't want to help those people who don't wanna help themselves. You can't help those who don't help themselves. And most of the guys out there should really try fucking themselves before they try to fuck "some skank" at the local dive bar.
But there are the small amount of guys who are willing to swallow their pride, and write into these advice columns to gain new and mature prespectives on their own lives, and/or their personal 2012 crisis. This is where I like to pipe up and sound like a man. Well that and after a quart of whiskey, when my tongue looses up and I start reciting George Carlin's material as my own thoughts and feelings on the world around me. It's worked so far.
About a year ago, some jackass parent wrote in, asking for advice about their teenage son. Who was raised to be respectful, and obedient. Always done his homework, helped with the dishes,and kept a tidy room. So this one time (an isolated incident), this particular parent witnesses him (the accused), walk passed a full garbaged receptical, without taking the time to bag it up and walk it outside to their garage, or wherever those fucking robots who live in suburbia put their trash. This parent is outraged. The nerve! The audacity! This kid had the stones to blatantly walk pass this can of garbage, overflowing with filth. Obviously this kid was punished. He had to go up into his room. And type up a letter (as many of us have done, some more than others. I won't name names.) expressing his feelings about said incident. HAHA.
Long story short, he wrote how he feels impeded by his lack of independance, and that his parents coddle him. He mentions, "wanting to be like a normal child." His parents don't get it. So Abby, tells the guy who was too drunk to pull out and aim for his wifes face, a.k.a. DAD, to let the kid off his short fucking leash (I'm paraphrasing), and give him, (The accused) the choice to have his own freedom and trust that he would make proper choices in the future.
Sound advice, right? My concern is.... Who put that last piece of garbage in the recepticle? If it wasn't him, which of these fucking dip-shit parents was so irresponsible that they would fill this garbage, and leave it for their slave-child to take care of. What the fuck! And have your teenage son sit down and express himself through letter form? How about try the lost art of TALKING!! You loser parents. Get your head out of your ass. Fuck yourself and die. Instead of writing to me, maybe try putting yourselves into counselling or I'm going to write my own letter to child services, so you can learn how to take the garbage out yourselves. NEXT.
So tonight I will create a new blog. Taking ACTUAL excerpts from people who are writing into these advice columns, and responding to them myself. I will try to write here for the time being as I want to have a few letters responded to; added, edited, and published. AND AND AND if you're feeling lonely, and you would like some sound advice, you can write to me at Leswebb1017@hotmail.com and I will of course change the names to protect the names of those parties who will be found guilty. And I will try to get around to responding when I can.
Cheers,
Don't forget to miss me!
